Quotes
Quotes about Wit
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? we have no enemies.".
Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day.
I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.
It is good to be often reminded of the inconsistency of human nature, and to learn to look without wonder or disgust on the weaknesses which are found in the strongest minds.
Never to blend our pleasure or our pride With sorrow of the meanest thing that feels.
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
Our humanity is a poor thing, except for the divinity that stirs within us.
Man is an ape with possibilities.
There are 193 living species of monkeys and apes. 192 of them are covered with hair. The exception is a naked ape, self-named Homo Sapiens.
He saw a cottage with a double coach-house, A cottage of gentility! And the Devil did grin, for his darling sin Is pride that apes humility.
Jewelled coryphee With quivering wings like shielding gauze outspread.
And the humming-bird that hung Like a jewel up among The tilted honeysuckle horns They mesmerized and swung In the palpitating air, Drowsed with odors strange and rare. And, with whispered laughter, slipped away And let him hanging there.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something.
Wit is cultured insolence.
Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders. - Oscar Firkins: Memoirs and Letters.
With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
That is the bestâto laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
They said they were anhungry; sighed forth proverbs-- That hunger broke stone walls, that dogs must eat, That meat was made for mouths, that the gods sent not Corn for the rich men only. With these shreds They vented their complainings, which being answered And a petition granted them, a strange one, To break the heart of generosity, And make bold power look pale, they threw their caps As they would hang them on the horns o' th' moon, Shouting their emulation.
With this there grows In my most ill-compos'd affection such A stanchless avarice that, were I King, I should cut off the nobles for their lands, Desire his jewels, and this other's house, And my more-having would be as a sauce To make me hunger more, that I should forge Quarrels unjust against the good and loyal, Destroying them for wealth.
