Quotes
Quotes - Twain
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. thanks to Alan Bennett -Mark Twain.
Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
History teaches us that whenever a weak and ignorant people possess a thing which a strong and enlightened people want, it must be yielded up peaceably.
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
The so-called human race.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial "we."
All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
I can't do literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.
Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happend. -Mark Twain.
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
