THE FORTY-SIXTH CHAPTER

The Golden Ass

by Lucius Apuleius

THE FORTY-SIXTH CHAPTER, THE GOLDEN ASS by Lucius Apuleius


How a certaine Matron fell in love with Apuleius, how hee had his
pleasure with her, and what other things happened.

When he had bought such things as was necessary, he would not
returne home into his Countrey in Chariots, or waggon, neither
would he ride upon Thessalian Horses, or Jenets of France, or
Spanish Mules, which be most excellent as can be found, but
caused me to be garnished and trimmed with trappers and barbs of
Gold, with brave harnesse, with purple coverings, with a bridle of
silver, with pictured cloths, and with shrilling bells, and in this
manner he rode upon me lovingly, speaking and intreating me with
gentle words, but above all things he did greatly rejoyce in that I
was his Servant to beare him upon my backe, and his Companion to
feed with him at the Table : After long time when we had travelled
as well by Sea as Land, and fortuned to arrive at Corinth, the
people of the Towne came about us on every side, not so much to
doe honour to Thiasus, as to see me : For my fame was so greatly
spread there, that I gained my master much money, and when the
people was desirous to see me play prankes, they caused the Gates
to be shut, and such as entered in should pay money, by meanes
whereof I was a profitable companion to them every day : There
fortuned to be amongst the Assembly a noble and rich Matron that
conceived much delight to behold me, and could find no remedy to
her passions and disordinate appetite, but continually desired to
have her pleasure with me, as Pasiphae had with a Bull. In the end
she promised a great reward to my keeper for the custody of me
one night, who for gaine of a little money accorded to her desire,
and when I had supped in a Parler with my Master, we departed
away and went into our Chamber, where we found the faire
Matron, who had tarried a great space for our comming : I am not
able to recite unto you how all things were prepared : there were
foure Eunuches that lay on a bed of downe on the ground with
Boulsters accordingly for us to lye on, the Coverlet was of cloth of
Gold, and the pillowes soft and tender, whereon the delicate Matron
had accustomed to lay her head. Then the Eunuches not minding
to delay any longer the pleasure of their Mistresse closed the
doores of the Chamber and departed away: within the Chamber
were Lamps that gave a cleare light all the place over : Then she
put off all her Garments to her naked skinne, and taking the Lampe
that stood next to her, began to annoint all her body with balme, and
mine likewise, but especially my nose, which done, she kissed me,
not as they accustome to doe at the stews, or in brothel houses, or
in the Curtain Schools for gaine of money, but purely, sincerely, and
with great affection, casting out these and like loving words : Thou
art he whom I love, thou art he whom I onely desire, without thee I
cannot live, and other like preamble of talke as women can use well
enough, when as they mind to shew or declare their burning
passions and great affection of love: Then she tooke me by the
halter and cast me downe upon the bed, which was nothing strange
unto me, considering that she was so beautifull a Matron and I so
wel bolded out with wine, and perfumed with balme, whereby I
was readily prepared for the purpose: But nothing grieved me so
much as to think, how I should with my huge and great legs
imbrace so faire a Matron, or how I should touch her fine, dainty,
and silken skinne, with my hard hoofes, or how it was possible to
kisse her soft, pretty and ruddy lips, with my monstrous mouth and
stony teeth, or how she, who was young and tender, could be able
to receive me.

And I verily thought, if I should hurt the woman by any kind of
meane, I should be throwne to the wild Beasts : But in the meane
season she kissed me, and looked in my mouth with burning eyes,
saying : I hold thee my canny, I hold thee my noose, my sparrow,
and therewithall she eftsoones imbraced my body round about, and
had her pleasure with me, whereby I thought the mother of
Miniatures did not ceaseless quench her inordinate desire with a
Bull. When night was passed, with much joy and small sleepe, the
Matron went before day to my keeper to bargain with him another
night, which he willingly granted, partly for gaine of money, and
partly to finde new pastime for my master. Who after he was
informed of all the history of my luxury, was right glad, and
rewarded my keeper well for his paine, minding to shew before the
face of all the people, what I could doe : but because they would
not suffer the Matron to abide such shame, by reason of her
dignity, and because they could finde no other that would
endeavour so great a reproach, at length they obtained for money a
poore woman, which was condemned to be eaten of wilde beasts,
with whom I should openly have to doe : But first I will tell you
what tale I heard concerning this woman. This woman had a
husband, whose father minding to ride forth, commanded his wife
which he left at home great with child, that if she were delivered of
a daughter, it should incontinently be killed. When the time of her
delivery came, it fortuned that she had a daughter, whom she would
not suffer to be slaine, by reason of the naturall affection which she
hare unto her child, but secretly committed her to one of her
neighbours to nurse. And when her husband returned home, shee
declared unto him that shee was delivered of a daughter, whom (as
hee commanded), shee had caused to be put to death. But when
this child came to age, and ready to be married, the mother knew
not by what meanes shee should endow her daughter, but that her
husband should understand and perceive it. Wherefore shee
discovered the matter to her sonne, who was the husband of this
woman, condemned to be eaten of wild beasts : For shee greatly
feared least hee should unawares fancie or fall in love with his
owne sister. The young man understanding the whole matter (to
please and gratify his mother) went immediately to the young
maiden, keeping the matter secret in his heart, for feare of
inconvenience, and (lamenting to see his sister forsaken both of
mother and father) incontinently after endowed her with part of his
owne goods, and would have married her to one of his especial and
trusty friends : But although hee brought this to passe very secretly
and sagely, yet in the end cruell fortune sowed great sedition in his
house. For his wife who was now condemned to beasts, waxed
jealous of her husband and began to suspect the young woman as a
harlot and common queane, insomuch that shee invented all manner
of meanes to dispatch her out of the way. And in the end shee
invented this kind of mischiefe : She privily stale away her
husbands ring, and went into the country, whereas she commanded
one of her trusty servants to take the ring and carry it to the
mayden. To whom he should declare that her brother did pray her
to come into the country to him, and that she should come alone
without any person. And to the end shee should not delay but
come with all speed he should deliver her the ring, which should be
a sufficient testimony of the message. This mayden as soone as
she had received the ring of her brother, being very willing and
desirous to obey his commandement : (For she knew no otherwise
but that he had sent for her) went in all hast as the messenger
willed her to doe. But when she was come to the snare and engine
which was prepared for her, the mischievous woman, like one that
were mad, and possessed with some ill spirit, when the poore
maiden called for helpe with a loud voyce to her brother, the
wicked harlot (weening that she had invented and feined the
matter) tooke a burning firebrand and thrust it into her secret place,
whereby she died miserably. The husband of this maiden but
especially her brother, advertised of her death, came to the place
where she was slain, and after great lamentation and weeping, they
caused her to be buried honourably. This yong man her brother
taking in ill part the miserable death of his sister, as it was
convenient he should, conceived so great dolour within his mind and
was strucken with so pestilent fury of bitter anguish, that he fell into
the burning passions of a dangerous ague, whereby he seemed in
such necessity, that he needed to have some speedy remedy to
save his life. The woman that slew the Maiden having lost the
name of wife together with her faith, went to a traiterous Physician,
who had killed a great many persons in his dayes and promised him
fifty peeces of Gold, if he would give her a present poyson to kill
her husband out of hand, but in presence of her Husband, she
feined that it was necessary for him to receive a certaine kind of
drink, which the Maisters and Doctours of Physicke doe call a
sacred Potion, to the intent he might purge Choller and scoure the
interiour parts of his body. But the Physitian in stead of that drinke
prepared a mortall and deadly poyson, and when he had tempered it
accordingly, he tooke the pot in the presence of the family, and
other neighbours and friends of the sick yong man, and offered it to
his patient. But the bold and hardy woman, to the end she might
accomplish her wicked intent, and also gaine the money which she
had promised the Physitian, staid the pot with her hand, saying: I
pray you master Physitian, minister not this drinke unto my deare
Husband, untill such time as you have drunke some part thereof
your selfe: For what know I, whether you have mingled any poyson
in the drinke or no, wherein I would have you not to be offended :
For I know that you are a man of wisedome and learning, but this I
do to the intent the conscience and love that I beare to the health
and safeguard of my husband, may be apparent. The Physitian
being greatly troubled at the wickednesse of this mischievous
woman, as voyd of all counsell and leysure to consider of the
matter, and least he might give any cause of suspition to the
standers by, or shew any scruple of his guilty conscience, by reason
of long delay, tooke the pot in his hand, and presently drunke a good
draught thereof, which done, the young man having no mistrust,
drunke up the residue. The Physitian would have gone immediately
home to receive a counterpoyson, to expeth and drive out the first
poyson : But the wicked woman persevering in her mischiefe,
would not suffer him to depart a foot, untill such time as the poyson
began to worke in him, and then by much prayer and intercession
she licensed him to goe home: By the way the poyson invaded the
intrailes and bowels of the whole body of the Physitian, in such sort
that with great paine he came to his owne house, where he had
scarce time to speake to his wife, and to will her to receive the
promised salitary of the death of two persons, but he yeelded up the
ghost : And the other young man lived not long after, but likewise
dyed, amongst the feined and deceitfull teares of his cursed wife.
A few dayes after, when the young man was buried and the
funerall ended, the Physitians wife demanded of her the fifty
peeces of gold which she promised her husband for the drinke,
whereat the ill disposed woman, with resemblance of honesty,
answered her with gentle words, and promised to give her the fifty
peeces of gold, if she would fetch her a little of that same drinke, to
proceed and make an end of all her enterprise. The Physitians
wife partly to winne the further favour of this rich woman, and
partly to gaine the money, ranne incontinently home, and brought
her a whole roote of poyson, which when she saw, having now
occasion to execute her further malice, and to finish the damnable
plot, began to stretch out her bloody hands to murther. She had a
daughter by her husband (that was poysoned) who according to
order of law, was appointed heire of all the lands and goods of her
father : but this woman knowing that the mothers succoured their
children, and received all their goods after their death, purposed to
shew her selfe a like parent to her child, as she was a wife to her
husband, whereupon she prepared a dinner with her owne hands,
and empoysoned both the wife of the Physitian and her owne
daughter : The child being young and tender dyed incontinently by
force of the drinke, but the Physitians wife being stout and strong
of complexion, feeling the poison to trill down into her body,
doubted the matter, and thereupon knowing of certainty that she
had received her bane, ran forthwith to the judges house, that what
with her cryes, and exclamations, she raised up the people of the
towne, and promising them to shew divers wicked and mischievous
acts, caused that the doores and gates were opened. When she
came in she declared from the beginning to the end the
abhomination of this woman: but shee had scarce ended her tale,
when opening her falling lips, and grinding her teeth together, she
fell downe dead before the face of the Judge, who incontinently to
try the truth of the matter, caused the cursed woman, and her
servants to be pulled out of the house, and enforced by paine of
torment to confesse the verity, which being knowne, this
mischievous woman farre lesse then she deserved, but because
there could be no more cruell a death invented for the quality of her
offence, was condemned to be eaten with wild beasts. Behold with
this woman was I appointed to have to doe before the face of the
people, but I being wrapped in great anguish, and envying the day
of the triumph, when we two should so abandon our selves
together, devised rather to sley my selfe, then to pollute my body
with this mischievous harlot, and so for ever to remaine defamed:
but it was impossible for me so to doe, considering that I lacked
hands, and was not able to hold a knife in my hoofes: howbeit
standing in a pretty cabin, I rejoyced in my selfe to see that spring
time was come, and that all things flourished, and that I was in good
hope to find some Roses, to render me my humane shape. When
the day of triumph came, I was led with great pompe and
benevolence to the appointed place, where when I was brought, I
first saw the preamble of that triumph, dedicated with dancers and
merry taunting jests, and in the meane season was placed before
the gate of the Theater, whereas on the one side I saw the greene
and fresh grasse growing before the entry thereof, whereon I
greatly desired to feed: on the other side I conceived a great
delectation to see when the Theater gates were opened, how all
things was finely prepared and set forth: For there I might see
young children and maidens in the flowre of their youth of excellent
beauty, and attired gorgiously, dancing and mooved in comely order,
according to the order of Grecia, for sometime they would dance in
length, sometime round together, sometime divide themselves into
foure parts, and sometime loose hands on every side: but when the
trumpet gave warning that every man should retire to his place,
then began the triumph to appeare. First there was a hill of wood,
not much unlike that which the Poet Homer called Idea, for it was
garnished about with all sort of greene verdures and lively trees,
from the top whereof ran downe a cleare and fresh fountaine,
nourishing the waters below, about which wood were many young
and tender Goates, plucking and feeding daintily on the budding
trees, then came a young man a shepheard representing Paris,
richly arrayed with vestments of Barbary, having a mitre of gold
upon his head, and seeming as though he kept the goates. After
him ensued another young man all naked, saving that his left
shoulder was covered with a rich cloake, and his head shining with
glistering haires, and hanging downe, through which you might
perceive two little wings, whereby you might conjecture that he
was Mercury, with his rod called Caduceus, he bare in his right
hand an Apple of gold, and with a seemely gate went towards him
that represented Paris, and after hee had delivered him the Apple,
he made a signe, signifying that Jupiter had commanded him so to
doe : when he had done his message he departed away. And by
and by, there approached a faire and comely mayden, not much
unlike to Juno, for she had a Diademe of gold upon her head, and in
her hand she bare a regall scepter : then followed another
resembling Pallas, for she had on her head a shining sallet, whereon
was bound a garland of Olive branches, having in one hand a target
or shield : and in the other a speare as though she would fight : then
came another which passed the other in beauty, and presented the
Goddesse Venus, with the color of Ambrosia, when she was a
maiden, and to the end she would shew her perfect beauty, shee
appeared all naked, saving that her fine and dainty skin was
covered with a thin smocke, which the wind blew hither and thither
to testifie the youth and flowre of the age of the dame. Her colour
was of two sorts, for her body was white as descended from
heaven, and her smocke was blewish, as arrived from the sea :
After every one of the Virgins which seemed goddesses, followed
certaine waiting servants, Castor and Pollus went behind Juno,
having on their heads helmets covered with starres. This Virgin
Juno sounded a Flute, which shee bare in her hand, and mooved her
selfe towards the shepheard Paris, shewing by honest signes and
tokens, and promising that hee should be Lord of all Asia, if hee
would judge her the fairest of the three, and to give her the apple of
gold : the other maiden which seemed by her armour to be Pallas,
was accompanied with two young men armed, and brandishing
their naked swords in their hands, whereof one named Terror, and
the other Feare; behind them approached one sounding his trumpet
to provoke and stirre men to battell; this maiden began to dance and
shake her head, throwing her fierce and terrible eyes upon Paris
and promising that if it pleased him to give her the victory of
beauty, shee would make him the most strong and victorious man
alive. Then came Venus and presented her selfe in the middle of
the Theater, with much favour of all the people, for shee was
accompanied with a great many of youth, whereby you would have
judged them all to be Cupidoes, either to have flowne from heaven
or else from the river of the sea, for they had wings, arrowes, and
the residue of their habit according in each point, and they bare in
their hands torches lighted, as though it had beene a day of
marriage. Then came in a great multitude of faire maidens : on the
one side were the most comely Graces : on the other side, the most
beautifull Houres carrying garlands and loose flowers, and making
great honor to the goddesse of pleasure; the flutes and Pipes
yeelded out the sweet sound of Lydians, whereby they pleased the
minds of the standers by exceedingly, but the more pleasing Venus
mooved forward more and more, and shaking her head answered
by her motion and gesture, to the sound of the instruments. For
sometimes she would winke gently, sometimes threaten and looke
aspishly, and sometimes dance onely with her eyes : As soone as
she was come before the Judge, she made a signe and token to
give him the most fairest spouse of all the world, if he would prefer
her above the residue of the goddesses. Then the young Phrygian
shepheard Paris with a willing mind delivered the golden Apple to
Venus, which was the victory of beauty.

Why doe ye marvell, ye Orators, ye Lawyers, and Advocates, if
many of our judges now a daies sell their judgements for money,
when as in the beginning of the world one onely Grace corrupted
the sentence betweene God and men, and that one rusticall Judge
and shepheard appointed by the counsell of great Jupiter, sold his
judgement for a little pleasure, which was the cause afterward of
the ruine of all his progeny? By like manner of meane, was
sentence given between the noble Greekes: For the noble and
valiant personage Palamedes was convicted and attainted of
treason, by false perswasion and accusation, and Ulisses being but
of base condition, was preferred in Martiall prowesse above great
Ajax. What judgement was there likewise amongst the Athenian
lawyers, sage and expert in all sciences? Was not Socrates who
was preferred by Apollo, above all the wise men in the world, by
envy and malice of wicked persons impoysoned with the herbe
Cicuta, as one that corrupted the youth of the countrey, whom
alwaies be kept under by correction? For we see now a dayes
many excellent Philosophers greatly desire to follow his sect, and
by perpetual study to value and revolve his workes, but to the end I
may not be reproved of indignation by any one that might say :
What, shall we suffer an Asse to play the Philosopher? I will
returne to my further purpose.

After the judgement of Paris was ended, Juno and Pallas departed
away angerly, shewing by their gesture, that they would revenge
themselves on Paris, but Venus that was right pleased and glad in
her heart, danced about the Theater with much joy. This done
from the top of the hill through a privy spout, ran a floud of the
colour of Saffron, which fell upon the Goates, and changed their
white haire into yellow, with a sweet odour to all them of the
Theater. By and by after by certaine engines, the ground opened,
and swallowed up the hill of wood : and then behold there came a
man of armes through the multitude, demanding by the consent of
the people, the woman who was condemned to the beasts, and
appointed for me to have to doe withall : our bed was finely and
bravely prepared, and covered with silke and other things
necessary. But I, beside the shame to commit this horrible fact, and
to pollute my body with this wicked harlot did greatly feare the
danger of death: for I thought in my selfe, that when she and I
were together, the savage beast appointed to devoure the woman,
was not so instructed and taught, or would so temper his
greedinesse, as that hee would teare her in peeces lying under mee,
and spare mee with a regard of mine innocency. Wherefore I was
more carefull for the safeguard of my life, then for the shame that I
should abide, but in the meane season while my master made ready
the bed, all the residue did greatly delight to see the hunting and
pleasantnesse of the triumph, I began to thinke and devise for my
selfe. When I perceived that no man had regard to mee, that was
so tame and gentle an Asse, I stole out of the gate that was next
me, and then I ran away with all force, and came to Cenchris,
which is the most famous towne of all the Carthaginians, bordering
upon the Seas called Ageum, and Saronicum, where is a great and
mighty Haven, frequented with many a sundry Nation. There
because I would avoyd the multitude of the people, I went to a
secret place of the Sea coast, where I laid me down upon the sand,
to ease and refresh my selfe, for the day was past and the Sunne
gone downe, and lying in this sort on the ground, did fall in a sound
sleepe.