THE FORTY-FIFTH CHAPTER

The Golden Ass

by Lucius Apuleius

THE FORTY-FIFTH CHAPTER, THE GOLDEN ASS by Lucius Apuleius


How Apuleius was sold to two brethren, whereof one was a Baker,
and the other a Cooke, and how finely and daintily he fared.

THE Souldier that payed never a peny for me, by the
commandement of his Captaine was sent unto Rome, to cary
Letters to the great Prince, and Generall of the Campe. Before he
went, he sold me for eleven pence to two of his Companions, being
Servants to a man of worship, whereof one was a Baker that
baked sweet bread and delicates, the other a Cooke, which dressed
fine and excellent meats for his Master. These two lived in
common, and would drive me from place to place, to carry such
things as was necessary, insomuch that I was received by these
two, as a third Brother, and Companion, and I thought I was never
better placed, then with them : for when night came that Supper
was done, and their businesse ended, they would bring many good
morsels into their Chamber for themselves. One would bring Pigs,
Chickens, fish, and other good meates, the other fine bread, pasties,
tarts, custards and other delicate Junkets dipped in hony. And when
they had shut their chamber doore, and went to the bains : (O Lord)
how I would fill my guts with these goodly dishes : neither was I so
much a foole, or so very an Asse, to leave the dainty meats, and to
grind my teeth upon hard hay. In this sort I continued a great space,
for I played the honest Asse, taking but a little of one dish, and a
little of another, wherby no man distrusted me. In the end, I was
more hardier and began to devoure the whole messes of the sweet
delicates, which caused the Baker and the Cooke to suspect,
howbeit they nothing mistrusted me, but searched about to
apprehend the theefe. At length they began to accuse one another
of theft, and to set the dishes and morsels of meat in order, one by
another, because they would learne what was taken away,
whereby one of them was compelled to say thus to his fellow : Is it
reason to breake promise and faith in this sort, by stealing away the
best meat, and to sell it to augment thy good, and yet neverthelesse
to have thy part in the residue that is left : if our partnership doe
mislike thee, we will be partners and brothers in other things, but in
this we will breake of : for I perceive that the great losse which I
sustain, will at length be a cause of great discord betweene us.
Then answered the other, Verily I praise thy great constancy and
subtilnesse, in that (when thou hast secretly taken away the meat)
[thou] dost begin to complaine first, whereas I by long space of
time have suffered thee, because I would not seeme to accuse my
brother of theft, but I am right glad in that wee are fallen into
communication of the matter, least by our silence, like contention
might arise betweene us, as fortuned betweene Eteocles and his
Brother. When they had reasoned together in this sort, they swore
both earnestly, that neither of them stale or tooke away any jote of
the meate, wherefore they concluded to search out the Theefe by
all kind of meanes. For they could not imagin or thinke, the Asse
who stood alone there, would eate any such meates, neither could
they thinke that Mice or Flyes, were so ravenous, as to devouer
whole dishes of meat, like the Birds Harpies which carried away
the meates of Phineus the King of Archadia. In the Meane season
while I was fed with dainty morsels, I gathered together my flesh,
my skin waxed soft, my haire began to shine, and was gallant on
every part, but such faire and comely shape of my body, was cause
of my dishonour, for the Baker and Cooke marvelled to see me so
slick and fine, considering I did eate no hay at all. Wherefore on a
time at their accustomed houre, they went to the baines, and locked
their chamber doore. It fortuned that ere they departed away, they
espyed me through a hole, how I fell roundly to my victuals: then
they marvelled greatly, and little esteemed the losse of their meate,
laughed exceedingly, calling the servants of the house, to shew
them the greedy gorge and appetite of the Asse. Their laughing
was so immoderate that the master of the house heard them, and
demanded the cause of their laughter, and when hee understood all
the matter, hee looked through the hole likewise, wherewith he took
such a delectation that hee commanded the doore to be opened,
that hee might see mee at his pleasure. Then I perceiving every
man laugh, was nothing abashed, but rather more bold, whereby I
never rested eating, till such time as the master of the house
commanded me to be brought into his parler as a novelty, and there
caused all kinds of meates which were never touched to be set on
the table, which (although I had eaten sufficiently before, yet to win
the further favour of the master of the house) I did greedily
devoure and made a cleane riddance of all the delicate meates.
And to prove my nature wholly, they gave met such meates as
every Asse doth abhorre: for they put before mee beefe and
vinegar, birds and pepper, fish and verjuice: in the meane season
they that beheld met at the table did nothing but laugh. Then one of
the servants of the house sayd to his master, I pray you sir give him
some drinke to his supper: Marry (quoth hee) I thinke thou saist
true, for it may be, that to his meate hee would drinke likewise a
cup of wine. Hoe boy, wash yonder pot, and fill it with wine, which
done, carry it to the Asse, and say that I have drunke to him. Then
all the standers by looked on, to see what would come to passe :
but I (as soone as I beheld the cup) staied not long, but gathering
my lips together, supped up all the wine at one draught. The
master being right joyfull hereat caused the Baker and Cooke
which had bought me, to come before him, to whom he delivered
foure times as much for me, as they paid, which done he committed
me to one of his rich Libertines, and charged him to looke well to
me, and that I should lacke nothing, who obeied his masters
commandement in every point : and to the end he would creepe
further into his favour, he taught me a thousand qualities. First he
instructed me to sit at the table upon my taile, and how I should
leape and dance, holding up my former feete: moreover hee taught
me how I should answer when any body spake unto me, with
nodding my head, which was a strange and marvailous thing, and if
I did lacke drinke, I should looke still upon the pot. All which things
I did willingly bring to passe, and obeyed his doctrine : howbeit, I
could have done all these things without his teaching, but I feared
greatly lest in shewing my selfe cunning without a master, I should
pretend some great and strange wonder, and thereby be throwne
out to wild beasts. But my fame was spred about in every place,
and the qualities which I could doe, insomuch that my master was
renowned throughout all the Country by reason of mee. For every
man would say: Behold the Gentleman that hath an Asse, that will
eate and drinke with him, that will dance, and understand what is
said to him, will shew his fantasie by signes. But first I will tell you
(which I should have done before) who my master was, and of
what country. His name was Thiasus, hee was borne at Corinth,
which is a principall towne of Achaia, and he had passed many
offices of honor, till hee had taken upon him the degree
Quinquenuall, according as his birth and dignity required, who to
shew his worthinesse, and to purchase the benevolence of every
person, appointed publike joyes and triumphs, to endure the space
of three dayes, and to bring his endeavour to passe, he came into
Thessaly to buy excellent Beasts, and valiant fighters for the
purpose.