THE TWENTY-SEVENTH CHAPTER

The Golden Ass

by Lucius Apuleius

THE TWENTY-SEVENTH CHAPTER, THE GOLDEN ASS by Lucius Apuleius

How the Gentlewoman was carried home by her husband while the
theeves were asleepe, and how much Apuleius was made of.

When the theeves were all asleepe by their great and immoderate
drinking, the young man Lepolemus took the Maiden and set her
upon my backe, and went homeward. When we were come
home, all the people of the Citie, especially her Parents, friends, and
family, came running forth joyfully, and the children and Maidens of
the towne gathered together to see this virgin in great triumph
sitting upon an Asse. Then I (willing to shew as much joy as I
might, as present occasion served) I set and pricked up my long
eares, ratled my nosethrils, and cryed stoutly, nay rather I made the
towne to ring againe with my shrilling sound : when wee were
come to her fathers house, shee was received in a chamber
honourably : as for me, Lepolemus (accompanied with a great
number of Citizens) did presently after drive me backe againe with
other horses to the cave of the theeves, where wee found them all
asleepe lying on the ground as wee left them; then they first
brought out all the gold, and silver, and other treasure of the house,
and laded us withall, which when they had done, they threw many
of the theeves downe into the bottome of deepe ditches, and the
residue they slew with their swords : after this wee returned home
glad and merry of so great vengeance upon them, and the riches
which wee carried was commited to the publike treasurie. This
done, the Maid was married to Lepolemus, according to the law,
whom by so much travell he had valiantly recovered : then my good
Mistresse looked about for me, and asking for me commanded the
very same day of her marriage, that my manger should be filled
with barly, and that I should have hay and oats aboundantly, and
she would call me her little Camell. But how greatly did I curse
Fotis, in that shee transformed me into an Asse, and not into a
dogge, because I saw the dogges had filled their paunches with the
reliks and bones of so worthy a supper. The next day this new
wedded woman (my Mistresse) did greatly commend me before
her Parents and husband, for the kindnesse which I had shewed
unto her, and never leaved off untill such time as they promised to
reward me with great honours. Then they called together all their
friends, and thus it was concluded : one said, that I should be closed
in a stable and never worke, but continually to be fedde and fatted
with fine and chosen barly and beanes and good littour, howbeit
another prevailed, who wishing my liberty, perswaded them that it
was better for me to runne in the fields amongst the lascivious
horses and mares, whereby I might engender some mules for my
Mistresse : then he that had in charge to keepe the horse, was
called for, and I was delivered unto him with great care, insomuch
that I was right pleasant and joyous, because I hoped that I should
carry no more fardels nor burthens, moreover I thought that when I
should thus be at liberty, in the spring time of the yeere when the
meddows and fields were greene, I should find some roses in some
place, whereby I was fully perswaded that if my Master and
Mistresse did render to me so many thanks and honours being an
Asse, they would much more reward me being turned into a man :
but when he (to whom the charge of me was so straightly
committed) had brought me a good way distant from the City, I
perceived no delicate meates nor no liberty which I should have,
but by and by his covetous wife and most cursed queane made me
a mill Asse, and (beating me with a cudgill full of knots) would
wring bread for her selfe and her husband out of my skinne. Yet
was she not contented to weary me and make me a drudge with
carriage and grinding of her owne corne, but I was hired of her
neighbours to beare their sackes likewise, howbeit shee would not
give me such meate as I should have, nor sufficient to sustaine my
life withall, for the barly which I ground for mine owne dinner she
would sell to the Inhabitants by. And after that I had laboured all
day, she would set before me at night a little filthy branne, nothing
cleane but full of stones. Being in this calamity, yet fortune worked
me other torments, for on a day I was let loose into the fields to
pasture, by the commandement of my master. O how I leaped for
joy, how I neighed to see my selfe in such liberty, but especially
since I beheld so many Mares, which I thought should be my wives
and concubines; and I espied out and chose the fairest before I
came nigh them; but this my joyfull hope turned into otter
destruction, for incontinently all the stone Horses which were well
fedde and made strong by ease of pasture, and thereby much more
puissant then a poore Asse, were jealous over me, and (having no
regard to the law and order of God Jupiter) ranne fiercely and
terribly against me; one lifted up his forefeete and kicked me
spitefully, another turned himselfe, and with his hinder heeles
spurned me cruelly, the third threatning with a malicious neighing,
dressed his eares and shewing his sharpe and white teeth bit me on
every side. In like sort have I read in Histories how the King of
Thrace would throw his miserable ghests to be torne in peeces and
devoured of his wild Horses, so niggish was that Tyrant of his
provender, that he nourished them with the bodies of men.