Chapter Six. Flathead Mountain

Glinda of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

When they saw that the intruders on their mountain were only two
little girls, the Flatheads grunted with satisfaction and drew back,
permitting them to see what the mountain top looked like. It was
shaped like a saucer, so that the houses and other buildings -- all
made of rocks -- could not be seen over the edge by anyone standing
in the plain below.

But now a big fat Flathead stood before the girls and in a gruff
voice demanded:

"What are you doing here? Have the Skeezers sent you to spy upon
us?"

"I am Princess Ozma, Ruler of all the Land of Oz."

"Well, I've never heard of the Land of Oz, so you may be what
you claim," returned the Flathead.

"This is the Land of Oz -- part of it, anyway," exclaimed
Dorothy. "So Princess Ozma rules you Flathead people, as well as all
the other people in Oz."

The man laughed, and all the others who stood around laughed,
too. Some one in the crowd called:

"She'd better not tell the Supreme Dictator about ruling the
Flatheads. Eh, friends?"

"No, indeed!" they all answered in positive tones.

"Who is your Supreme Dictator?" answered Ozma.

"I think I'll let him tell you that himself," answered the man
who had first spoken. "You have broken our laws by coming here; and
whoever you are the Supreme Dictator must fix your punishment. Come
along with me."

He started down a path and Ozma and Dorothy followed him without
protest, as they wanted to see the most important person in this
queer country. The houses they passed seemed pleasant enough and each
had a little yard in which were flowers and vegetables. Walls of rock
separated the dwellings, and all the paths were paved with smooth
slabs of rock. This seemed their only building material and they
utilized it cleverly for every purpose.

Directly in the center of the great saucer stood a larger
building which the Flathead informed the girls was the palace of the
Supreme Dictator. He led them through an entrance hall into a big
reception room, where they sat upon stone benches and awaited the
coming of the Dictator. Pretty soon he entered from another room -- a
rather lean and rather old Flathead, dressed much like the others of
this strange race, and only distinguished from them by the sly and
cunning expression of his face. He kept his eyes half closed and
looked through the slits of them at Ozma and Dorothy, who rose to
receive him.

"Are you the Supreme Dictator of the Flatheads?" inquired
Ozma.

"Yes, that's me," he said, rubbing his hands slowly together.
"My word is law. I'm the head of the Flatheads on this flat
headland."

"I am Princess Ozma of Oz, and I have come from the Emerald City
to --"

"Stop a minute," interrupted the Dictator, and turned to the man
who had brought the girls there. "Go away, Dictator Felo Flathead!"
he commanded. "Return to your duty and guard the Stairway. I will
look after these strangers." The man bowed and departed, and Dorothy
asked wonderingly:

"Is he a Dictator, too?"

"Of course," was the answer. "Everybody here is a dictator of
something or other. They're all office holders. That's what keeps
them contented. But I'm the Supreme Dictator of all, and I'm elected
once a year. This is a democracy, you know, where the people are
allowed to vote for their rulers. A good many others would like to be
Supreme Dictator, but as I made a law that I am always to count the
votes myself, I am always elected."

"What is your name?" asked Ozma.

"I am called the Su-dic, which is short for Supreme Dictator. I
sent that man away because the moment you mentioned Ozma of Oz, and
the Emerald City, I knew who you are. I suppose I'm the only Flathead
that ever heard of you, but that's because I have more brains than
the rest."

Dorothy was staring hard at the Su-dic.

"I don't see how you can have any brains at all," she remarked,
"because the part of your head is gone where brains are kept."

"I don't blame you for thinking that," he said. "Once the
Flatheads had no brains because, as you say, there is no upper part
to their heads, to hold brains. But long, long ago a band of fairies
flew over this country and made it all a fairyland, and when they
came to the Flatheads the fairies were sorry to find them all very
stupid and quite unable to think. So, as there was no good place in
their bodies in which to put brains the Fairy Queen gave each one of
us a nice can of brains to carry in his pocket and that made us just
as intelligent as other people. See," he continued, "here is one of
the cans of brains the fairies gave us." He took from a pocket a
bright tin can having a pretty red label on it which said:
Concentrated Brains, Extra Quality."

"And does every Flathead have the same kind of brains?" asked
Dorothy.

"Yes, they're all alike. Here's another can." From another
pocket he produced a second can of brains.

"Did the fairies give you a double supply?" inquired Dorothy.

"No, but one of the Flatheads thought he wanted to be the Su-dic
and tried to get my people to rebel against me, so I punished him by
taking away his brains. One day my wife scolded me severely, so I
took away her can of brains. She didn't like that and went out and
robbed several women of their brains. Then I made a law that if
anyone stole another's brains, or even tried to borrow them, he would
forfeit his own brains to the Su- dic. So each one is content with
his own canned brains and my wife and I are the only ones on the
mountain with more than one can. I have three cans and that makes me
very clever -- so clever that I'm a good Sorcerer, if I do say it
myself. My poor wife had four cans of brains and became a remarkable
witch, but alas! that was before those terrible enemies, the
Skeezers, transformed her into a Golden Pig."

"Good gracious!" cried Dorothy; "is your wife really a Golden
Pig?"

"She is. The Skeezers did it and so I have declared war on them.
In revenge for making my wife a Pig I intend to ruin their Magic
Island and make the Skeezers the slaves of the Flatheads!"

The Su-dic was very angry now; his eyes flashed and his face
took on a wicked and fierce expression. But Ozma said to him, very
sweetly and in a friendly voice:

"I am sorry to hear this. Will you please tell me more about
your troubles with the Skeezers? Then perhaps I can help you."

She was only a girl, but there was dignity in her pose and
speech which impressed the Su-dic.

"If you are really Princess Ozma of Oz," the Flathead said, "you
are one of that band of fairies who, under Queen Lurline, made all Oz
a Fairyland. I have heard that Lurline left one of her own fairies to
rule Oz, and gave the fairy the name of Ozma."

"If you knew this why did you not come to me at the Emerald City
and tender me your loyalty and obedience?" asked the Ruler of Oz.

"Well, I only learned the fact lately, and I've been too busy to
leave home," he explained, looking at the floor instead of into
Ozma's eyes. She knew he had spoken a falsehood, but only said:

"Why did you quarrel with the Skeezers?"

"It was this way," began the Su-dic, glad to change the subject.
"We Flatheads love fish, and as we have no fish on this mountain we
would sometimes go to the Lake of the Skeezers to catch fish. This
made the Skeezers angry, for they declared the fish in their lake
belonged to them and were under their protection and they forbade us
to catch them. That was very mean and unfriendly in the Skeezers, you
must admit, and when we paid no attention to their orders they set a
guard on the shore of the lake to prevent our fishing.

"Now, my wife, Rora Flathead, having four cans of brains, had
become a wonderful witch, and fish being brain food, she loved to eat
fish better than any one of us. So she vowed she would destroy every
fish in the lake, unless the Skeezers let us catch what we wanted.
They defied us, so Rora prepared a kettleful of magic poison and went
down to the lake one night to dump it all in the water and poison the
fish. It was a clever idea, quite worthy of my dear wife, but the
Skeezer Queen -- a young lady named Coo-ee-oh -- hid on the bank of
the lake and taking Rora unawares, transformed her into a Golden Pig.
The poison was spilled on the ground and wicked Queen Coo-ee-oh, not
content with her cruel transformation, even took away my wife's four
cans of brains, so she is now a common grunting pig without even
brains enough to know her own name."

"Then," said Ozma thoughtfully, "the Queen of the Skeezers must
be a Sorceress."

"Yes," said the Su-dic, "but she doesn't know much magic, after
all. She is not as powerful as Rora Flathead was, nor half as
powerful as I am now, as Queen Coo-ee-oh will discover when we fight
our great battle and destroy her."

"The Golden Pig can't be a witch any more, of course," observed
Dorothy.

"No; even had Queen Coo-ee-oh left her the four cans of brains,
poor Rora, in a pig's shape, couldn't do any witchcraft. A witch has
to use her fingers, and a pig has only cloven hoofs."

"It seems a sad story," was Ozma's comment, "and all the trouble
arose because the Flatheads wanted fish that did not belong to
them."

"As for that," said the Su-dic, again angry, "I made a law that
any of my people could catch fish in the Lake of the Skeezers,
whenever they wanted to. So the trouble was through the Skeezers
defying my law."

"You can only make laws to govern your own people," asserted
Ozma sternly. "I, alone, am empowered to make laws that must be
obeyed by all the peoples of Oz."

"Pooh!" cried the Su-dic scornfully. "You can't make me obey
your laws, I assure you. I know the extent of your powers, Princess
Ozma of Oz, and I know that I am more powerful than you are. To prove
it I shall keep you and your companion prisoners in this mountain
until after we have fought and conquered the Skeezers. Then, if you
promise to be good, I may let you go home again."

Dorothy was amazed by this effrontery and defiance of the
beautiful girl Ruler of Oz, whom all until now had obeyed without
question. But Ozma, still unruffled and dignified, looked at the
Su-dic and said:

"You did not mean that. You are angry and speak unwisely,
without reflection. I came here from my palace in the Emerald City to
prevent war and to make peace between you and the Skeezers. I do not
approve of Queen Coo-ee-oh's action in transforming your wife Rora
into a pig, nor do I approve of Rora's cruel attempt to poison the
fishes in the lake. No one has the right to work magic in my
dominions without my consent, so the Flatheads and the Skeezers have
both broken my laws -- which must be obeyed."

"If you want to make peace," said the Su-dic, "make the Skeezers
restore my wife to her proper form and give back her four cans of
brains. Also make them agree to allow us to catch fish in their
lake."

"No," returned Ozma, "I will not do that, for it would be
unjust. I will have the Golden Pig again transformed into your wife
Rora, and give her one can of brains, but the other three cans must
be restored to those she robbed. Neither may you catch fish in the
Lake of the Skeezers, for it is their lake and the fish belong to
them. This arrangement is just and honorable, and you must agree to
it."

"Never!" cried the Su-dic. Just then a pig came running into the
room, uttering dismal grunts. It was made of solid gold, with joints
at the bends of the legs and in the neck and jaws. The Golden Pig's
eyes were rubies, and its teeth were polished ivory.

"There!" said the Su-dic, "gaze on the evil work of Queen
Coo-ee-oh, and then say if you can prevent my making war on the
Skeezers. That grunting beast was once my wife -- the most beautiful
Flathead on our mountain and a skillful witch. Now look at her!"

"Fight the Skeezers, fight the Skeezers, fight the Skeezers!"
grunted the Golden Pig.

"I will fight the Skeezers," exclaimed the Flathead chief, "and
if a dozen Ozmas of Oz forbade me I would fight just the same."

"Not if I can prevent it!" asserted Ozma.

"You can't prevent it. But since you threaten me, I'll have you
confined in the bronze prison until the war is over," said the
Su-dic. He whistled and four stout Flatheads, armed with axes and
spears, entered the room and saluted him. Turning to the men he said:
"Take these two girls, bind them with wire ropes and cast them into
the bronze prison."

The four men bowed low and one of them asked:

"Where are the two girls, most noble Su-dic?"

The Su-dic turned to where Ozma and Dorothy had stood but they
had vanished!